"Self Check: What Makes Me Whole"

I recently had a conversation with one of my favorite cousins and a friend about dating and self awareness. We spoke about being a whole woman desiring a whole man. About assuring that we have dealt with any internal issues that may be detrimental to a relationship. We agreed that one needs to be very self aware and open to peeling back the layers in order to expose the very root of anything that could be stunting growth. The phrase “check yourself before you wreck yourself” applies so perfectly. In this case we want to avoid wrecking not only ourselves, but also our relationships, families, and futures.


I’ve personally taken time off from engaging in a relationship so that I could in turn engage with myself. This was during a time where I had recently separated from someone I had been dating off and on for years and honestly, I was DRAINED! I decided that I would “boycott” men so to speak and focus solely on me. Not saying that people can’t date, also not saying that all men were bad, but I needed to separate myself from men at the time. I didn’t want to exchange numbers or even date which is where my usage of the “boycott” term derived from. I needed to figure out where I was at the time; my likes, dislikes, desires and where I stood with God. No one should know you better than yourself. That power should only reside with God alone. I knew that I needed back on top of my life and that I needed to discover who I was in my aloneness as an adult. I examined myself completely to discover what made me the person I currently was. Also what needed to change or stay the same so that I could become the woman I truly desired to be and who God called me to be.

We have to do the homework which includes going as far back in our minds as needed to deal with untouched problems. Bringing to the forefront any and every issue that is still bothering us. Make a mental or even physical list of these things and deal with them. Whether it be through counseling, prayer, reading, artistic expression; start the process of healing. In the previous segment I mentioned forgiveness and how essential it is to overcoming low self esteem and an array of issues. Not only do we have to forgive self but we also have to forgive others. Colossians 3:13 (NKJV) explains the importance of this act; “bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.” We want to be forgiven for our wrongdoing, so we must be able to perform this act as well, no matter the difficulty. Forgiveness will aide in becoming whole. Let’s do away with not only presenting partial people but also giving only pieces of ourselves to others. Take account of the inventory, remove what hinders you, grow those gifts and talents that make you the greatest version of yourself, and ultimately gain a better understanding of who you are according to your viewpoint. The world has already given its opinion of who you are; discovering for self who you are and whose you are is where the truth lies.

- Avril Moore